As you may guess, I forgot about my blog. Again. But it is quite delightful whenever I revisit and read my previous posts.
Today I read my last post, about how I was running from what God had for me. In a sense, that was true. But I also learned that I didn't quite know what was in store, even though I thought I had it all figured out. Another selfish thing to do.
A lot has changed. Things always change, so it feels unnecessary to even say that they have, but I will anyway. I've found new love in the form of music =) and not just exploring music, which is rather passive, but playing music. I'm taking both guitar and piano lessons now. I feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. Although it is unlikely that I will ever be a professional musician, I think playing music will help me gain a sense of... self. Wow, that sounds like I'm really wrapped up in my own personality. My apologies. But until now, I've been very confused about my abilities and interests, and it feels like I'm finally starting to get a grasp on those things.
I'm also very excited as I am waiting for a magnificent book to come to me via the mail. It's called To Own a Dragon by Donald Miller. I mentioned him once, a long time ago in a post about his other book, Blue Like Jazz. Well I still love him, haha. Particularly, I am reading this book to help me empathize with a dear friend of mine who was abandoned by his father. I never knew my birth dad either, but for one reason or another, I didn't think about it much. And I still don't. Maybe it's a male thing... like you feel insecure about your masculinity without a father figure present. Any males out there wanting to chime in on this? In any case, once I read the book, I'll write a post about my thoughts on it.
11.24.2009
10.15.2009
paradoxical blues
Today's a bad day. I need to blog.
For the past 6 months, I've been running from what I know is right. Today I learned that I can't run. The more I try to do what I want, the more my plans will be ruined. I've been so selfish and felt so empty, yet I kept pushing it. Pursuing it. Putting everything I have in it. Today was the last straw on the camel's back.
Needless to say, the camel's back broke. You can call it what you want. Fate, karma, coincidence even. But I know that it's God. God is my best friend, but he's my heavenly Father as well. He will step in and turn my plans around where he sees fit, but it is always for my ultimate good. We break, and we gain character. I think I've blogged about this before... well here you can see it in action. I'm hurt but I feel strong. It's an astounding paradox.
So I made new plans for the evening. I'm going to spend time with my old friends, return to where I was 6 months ago and see what I can make of it.
Things will make sense one of these days. For now I just move with the current and trust it with my whole heart.
For the past 6 months, I've been running from what I know is right. Today I learned that I can't run. The more I try to do what I want, the more my plans will be ruined. I've been so selfish and felt so empty, yet I kept pushing it. Pursuing it. Putting everything I have in it. Today was the last straw on the camel's back.
Needless to say, the camel's back broke. You can call it what you want. Fate, karma, coincidence even. But I know that it's God. God is my best friend, but he's my heavenly Father as well. He will step in and turn my plans around where he sees fit, but it is always for my ultimate good. We break, and we gain character. I think I've blogged about this before... well here you can see it in action. I'm hurt but I feel strong. It's an astounding paradox.
So I made new plans for the evening. I'm going to spend time with my old friends, return to where I was 6 months ago and see what I can make of it.
Things will make sense one of these days. For now I just move with the current and trust it with my whole heart.
10.02.2009
thinkin oh, it is love
I've been considering posting my blog link on Facebook, so that my friends could see it, but I don't think I will. The temptation is this - I would have lots of readers if I did. And they would be readers who enjoy the same things I do, so my blog would probably interest them. But alas, I refuse to give up my safe place. My blog is the only place I feel like I can write my genuine thoughts, because only strangers read it. That's kind of sad, I guess. That I only let strangers see who I really am. But you have to be careful, telling everyone everything all the time. Especially people in authority over you (in my case, teachers and family who have Facebooks).
Oh, by the way, if you read my blog and you want to be friends on Facebook, let me know. If I deem you're not a creeper, then I will friend you.
Now to the real content of the post.
I think I said in an earlier post that I was reading this book (Searching for God Knows What). Well, I still haven't finished it. Not because I've been procrastinating. I have a hard time reading this book, because the author, Donald Miller, is one of my favorite authors, and to be honest, this book disappoints me. It gives me a terrible impression of him. So it's hard for me to pick it up and read it, knowing what I'll find. But I've been chipping away at it for some time now. Last night I read some, and I think I finally found something worth reading it for:
"If you think about it, right and wrong aren't even people, they are ideas, philosophical equations and that sort of thing, and so it is funny that anybody would think that they are right in the first place. I suppose what we really mean when we say we are right is that something out there in the soup of ideas is right, and we simply agree with whatever it is the soup is saying. But this doesn't have anything to do with our rightness or wrongness; it just means we can read."
Now, this is not to say that there is no such thing as a right and a wrong. In fact, Miller goes on to clarify that he's not being relativistic. What he's saying is that there are no right and wrong people. As human beings, it is our nature to think we are "the right one." But how often do we think about the fact that we think we're always right? Maybe I'm losing you. In other words, how often do we realize that everyone thinks they have it right? If we could just hold onto that concept for all of our existence, then maybe we could do some real good. It's a thought.
Okay, so I'm also reading My Antonia by Willa Cather. It's pretty much an American classic. Before I dove into the actual book, I read the Sparknotes - not the summary, but the themes, the character descriptions, etc etc. So I do know a little about the story ahead of where I am. But see, when I read the Sparknotes, I thought "OH! This is going to be a great book!" And, not that it isn't, but it's not very... thrilling. Usually I like slower-paced books anyway, but this seems very slow, for a couple reasons. 1) It's set in Nebraska in the 1800s. The place isn't exactly hopping with people, events, or information. Things mostly stay the same. 2) The characters lead a very simple life. They have a house, some animals, and each other. However, I think the story will pick up some when (SPOILER ALERT!) Jim becomes a... lawyer? I think? It's been a while since I read the Sparknotes.
I can't say I've really pioneered any music lately. I don't seem to have the time. It's funny, because the reason I left private school to do cyber school was so that I would have more time. I don't really have more time, but the way I use my time has changed. Before, I sacrificed everything for school. Family, chores, sleep. But now I actually get sleep! And I have time for family... but not always chores.
I'm still in the process of gaining new readers, so I may not post again for a little while. And if you follow me, I promise I won't be a greedy blogger and not return the favor! Plus, I enjoy reading other people's blogs. Lots of thoughts buzzing around... oh, it is love.
Oh, by the way, if you read my blog and you want to be friends on Facebook, let me know. If I deem you're not a creeper, then I will friend you.
Now to the real content of the post.
I think I said in an earlier post that I was reading this book (Searching for God Knows What). Well, I still haven't finished it. Not because I've been procrastinating. I have a hard time reading this book, because the author, Donald Miller, is one of my favorite authors, and to be honest, this book disappoints me. It gives me a terrible impression of him. So it's hard for me to pick it up and read it, knowing what I'll find. But I've been chipping away at it for some time now. Last night I read some, and I think I finally found something worth reading it for:
"If you think about it, right and wrong aren't even people, they are ideas, philosophical equations and that sort of thing, and so it is funny that anybody would think that they are right in the first place. I suppose what we really mean when we say we are right is that something out there in the soup of ideas is right, and we simply agree with whatever it is the soup is saying. But this doesn't have anything to do with our rightness or wrongness; it just means we can read."
Now, this is not to say that there is no such thing as a right and a wrong. In fact, Miller goes on to clarify that he's not being relativistic. What he's saying is that there are no right and wrong people. As human beings, it is our nature to think we are "the right one." But how often do we think about the fact that we think we're always right? Maybe I'm losing you. In other words, how often do we realize that everyone thinks they have it right? If we could just hold onto that concept for all of our existence, then maybe we could do some real good. It's a thought.
Okay, so I'm also reading My Antonia by Willa Cather. It's pretty much an American classic. Before I dove into the actual book, I read the Sparknotes - not the summary, but the themes, the character descriptions, etc etc. So I do know a little about the story ahead of where I am. But see, when I read the Sparknotes, I thought "OH! This is going to be a great book!" And, not that it isn't, but it's not very... thrilling. Usually I like slower-paced books anyway, but this seems very slow, for a couple reasons. 1) It's set in Nebraska in the 1800s. The place isn't exactly hopping with people, events, or information. Things mostly stay the same. 2) The characters lead a very simple life. They have a house, some animals, and each other. However, I think the story will pick up some when (SPOILER ALERT!) Jim becomes a... lawyer? I think? It's been a while since I read the Sparknotes.
I can't say I've really pioneered any music lately. I don't seem to have the time. It's funny, because the reason I left private school to do cyber school was so that I would have more time. I don't really have more time, but the way I use my time has changed. Before, I sacrificed everything for school. Family, chores, sleep. But now I actually get sleep! And I have time for family... but not always chores.
I'm still in the process of gaining new readers, so I may not post again for a little while. And if you follow me, I promise I won't be a greedy blogger and not return the favor! Plus, I enjoy reading other people's blogs. Lots of thoughts buzzing around... oh, it is love.
9.26.2009
shady's back, back again
I forgot that I even had this blog, until the other day when someone left a comment on my last post. I didn't know anyone was still reading this. But now that the school year is back in session, and I actually have thoughts to share, I'd love to get blogging again. However, I fear that most of my old readers have deleted their accounts or aren't really active anymore. If you're still out there, leave me a comment and let me know. I've missed this.
A lot has changed since the summer. I'll take this one thing at a time. First of all, my family dynamic has totally changed. A little over a week ago, I was over-thinking my family situation and I wrote all that I was feeling in a gigantic letter. I planned to give it to my mom but chickened out at first. It was really heavy and I didn't want to make things worse. But then that morning, I got into a fight with my dad, and I brought down the letter from my room to sort of remedy it. Basically what I said in the letter is that I needed my parents in my life more. I was feeling like a separate unit and like I didn't belong to my own family, and I wanted to fix it. The morning was really emotional. My mom cried, and I hate seeing my mom cry. It's one of the most painful things for me. But now things are starting to get better, because we're all trying. I'm trying to put myself out there, and my parents are trying to include me and learn more about me. So despite all of the drama, the letter was worth it. And I think things will be a lot better for the next couple of years before I go to college.
There's been trouble with the friends as well. And I'm not going to relay for you the details of this, but I want to ask a question. I want your honest advice. When a friend makes a bad decision, is it still your duty to support them? What if you're angry because you don't want to see them get hurt or hurt anyone else? Is that okay? Does it hurt the friendship when you don't support your friend in a decision? Okay, that was more than one question... but what can I say, I'm a humanities person. We tend not to think concisely.
On a lighter note, I'm taking a class this year called Study of Contemporary Music Trends. I find it completely fascinating. There have been some lousy spots, like when I had to study country, or when I realized they weren't going to teach me about ska in detail (those damn curriculum writers!). But overall it's been really enriching. Here's some of the songs I've discovered (and loved!) throughout the course:
*P.S. I'm almost done with the whole course, which was supposed to last me all year. I'm only a month into school. Not my fault that they don't put enough information in the lessons! They should have told me something else about ska, besides the fact that it's a predecessor of reggae.*
Beatles - I'm Looking Through You
Grand Master Flash & the Furious Five - The Message
Bill Haley & His Comets - Dim, Dim the Lights
Madness - My Girl
Leave me a comment, even just to tell me you're reading this. I'm going to try and put myself out there again by following and commenting on other people's blogs. Also, I'm reading good literature again, so I will definitely have some thoughts.
A lot has changed since the summer. I'll take this one thing at a time. First of all, my family dynamic has totally changed. A little over a week ago, I was over-thinking my family situation and I wrote all that I was feeling in a gigantic letter. I planned to give it to my mom but chickened out at first. It was really heavy and I didn't want to make things worse. But then that morning, I got into a fight with my dad, and I brought down the letter from my room to sort of remedy it. Basically what I said in the letter is that I needed my parents in my life more. I was feeling like a separate unit and like I didn't belong to my own family, and I wanted to fix it. The morning was really emotional. My mom cried, and I hate seeing my mom cry. It's one of the most painful things for me. But now things are starting to get better, because we're all trying. I'm trying to put myself out there, and my parents are trying to include me and learn more about me. So despite all of the drama, the letter was worth it. And I think things will be a lot better for the next couple of years before I go to college.
There's been trouble with the friends as well. And I'm not going to relay for you the details of this, but I want to ask a question. I want your honest advice. When a friend makes a bad decision, is it still your duty to support them? What if you're angry because you don't want to see them get hurt or hurt anyone else? Is that okay? Does it hurt the friendship when you don't support your friend in a decision? Okay, that was more than one question... but what can I say, I'm a humanities person. We tend not to think concisely.
On a lighter note, I'm taking a class this year called Study of Contemporary Music Trends. I find it completely fascinating. There have been some lousy spots, like when I had to study country, or when I realized they weren't going to teach me about ska in detail (those damn curriculum writers!). But overall it's been really enriching. Here's some of the songs I've discovered (and loved!) throughout the course:
*P.S. I'm almost done with the whole course, which was supposed to last me all year. I'm only a month into school. Not my fault that they don't put enough information in the lessons! They should have told me something else about ska, besides the fact that it's a predecessor of reggae.*
Beatles - I'm Looking Through You
Grand Master Flash & the Furious Five - The Message
Bill Haley & His Comets - Dim, Dim the Lights
Madness - My Girl
Leave me a comment, even just to tell me you're reading this. I'm going to try and put myself out there again by following and commenting on other people's blogs. Also, I'm reading good literature again, so I will definitely have some thoughts.
7.07.2009
slow
Hey, all you people in the blogosphere. It's been almost a month. I am so lazy.
I can't tell you how much I wish I was motivated to write on this blog regularly, but I fear that my posts will grow farther and farther apart until I just stop posting altogether. Well, I will enjoy it while it lasts.
Life is good. I have lots of things going on all the time. Being busy is great, especially when I'm busy doing things that I want to do. Today I took a walk around my little town with my friend Sandra. You know, I am really blessed to live in the town that I do. It's a pretty safe neighborhood, and there's cute little shops all over the place. I mean my house is not the greatest, but the quaintness of the town makes up for it, most definitely.
Unfortunately, most of my friends would rather be in Mexico right now instead of here in the US. They all went on a missions trip to Casa Hogar, an orphanage in Acapulco, and they are crazy about that place. Every year they go there, and every year they come home complaining about wanting to go back. I don't know if I mentioned this in an earlier post, but I too was supposed to go to Acapulco this year. But my parents pulled me off the trip because of violence in Mexico. It was kind of lonely that week, when everyone was gone, but I found things to do and actually made some new friends. And my two best friends came back with souvenirs from the market for me, and some pesos.
You know what? I need a book. A good, thought-provoking book to read. But I can't find one and I don't have any. I have like 5 books that I bought a while ago and never got around to reading, because they just don't hold my interest. The writing is lame and the themes don't keep me captivated. I want to read school books. Like all of the books that I kept you updated on throughout the school year. Well I own most of them, maybe I could read them again?
I'm afraid that I won't learn anything next year in cyberschool. In comparison to CCA, my old school, any other school is just a joke. Well thankfully, if the material is too easy, I'm allowed to accelerate through it as fast as I like. But still, at CCA all of our material was focused around asking questions like "Why?" and "How?" It was really focused on humanities, which I loved, and I'm afraid that cyberschool will be more math- and science-based. Tomorrow, my mom and I have a meeting with a representative from the school. Here's to hoping that after I get some information, I won't be so afraid anymore.
So I don't have any book reviews for you, but I do have some music suggestions. Listen to these:
Choir of Young Believers - Action/ Reaction
M. Ward feat. Zooey Deschanel - Rave On
Dirty Projectors - Two Doves
Family Force 5 - Ghostride the Whip
Eels - Fresh Blood
Wilco - Solitaire
I had a bunch of other songs to share, but they weren't on Grooveshark. That's 'cause all my music is indie and no one thinks it's cool =(
That's all for now. I miss thinking deep. I feel so shallow these days... know of any remedies?
I can't tell you how much I wish I was motivated to write on this blog regularly, but I fear that my posts will grow farther and farther apart until I just stop posting altogether. Well, I will enjoy it while it lasts.
Life is good. I have lots of things going on all the time. Being busy is great, especially when I'm busy doing things that I want to do. Today I took a walk around my little town with my friend Sandra. You know, I am really blessed to live in the town that I do. It's a pretty safe neighborhood, and there's cute little shops all over the place. I mean my house is not the greatest, but the quaintness of the town makes up for it, most definitely.
Unfortunately, most of my friends would rather be in Mexico right now instead of here in the US. They all went on a missions trip to Casa Hogar, an orphanage in Acapulco, and they are crazy about that place. Every year they go there, and every year they come home complaining about wanting to go back. I don't know if I mentioned this in an earlier post, but I too was supposed to go to Acapulco this year. But my parents pulled me off the trip because of violence in Mexico. It was kind of lonely that week, when everyone was gone, but I found things to do and actually made some new friends. And my two best friends came back with souvenirs from the market for me, and some pesos.
You know what? I need a book. A good, thought-provoking book to read. But I can't find one and I don't have any. I have like 5 books that I bought a while ago and never got around to reading, because they just don't hold my interest. The writing is lame and the themes don't keep me captivated. I want to read school books. Like all of the books that I kept you updated on throughout the school year. Well I own most of them, maybe I could read them again?
I'm afraid that I won't learn anything next year in cyberschool. In comparison to CCA, my old school, any other school is just a joke. Well thankfully, if the material is too easy, I'm allowed to accelerate through it as fast as I like. But still, at CCA all of our material was focused around asking questions like "Why?" and "How?" It was really focused on humanities, which I loved, and I'm afraid that cyberschool will be more math- and science-based. Tomorrow, my mom and I have a meeting with a representative from the school. Here's to hoping that after I get some information, I won't be so afraid anymore.
So I don't have any book reviews for you, but I do have some music suggestions. Listen to these:
Choir of Young Believers - Action/ Reaction
M. Ward feat. Zooey Deschanel - Rave On
Dirty Projectors - Two Doves
Family Force 5 - Ghostride the Whip
Eels - Fresh Blood
Wilco - Solitaire
I had a bunch of other songs to share, but they weren't on Grooveshark. That's 'cause all my music is indie and no one thinks it's cool =(
That's all for now. I miss thinking deep. I feel so shallow these days... know of any remedies?
6.11.2009
rain, rain, go away
Good evening my beautiful readers. I haven't posted in a while... I don't know how long, I will have to check then.
So it is a dreary, gloomy, rainy afternoon. I had plans for today. I was going to a free Shakespeare thing at a park in the city. They're doing Cymbelline, for free! But alas, parks are outside, and outside it will be thunderstorming. Oh, did you know that lightning does NOT only strike in the same place once? I learned that the other day. Anyway, so after my Shakespeare plans were cancelled, I made plans to go to the movies with my friend Faith. But I can't leave the house because my dad has to get fitted for a tuxedo and he's picking up our van tonight, which is now fixed. Oh and my friend can't go either. But it's not so bad, it's a nice relaxing evening at home.
I think I will have my permit Saturday, so long as I don't fail the test. It's only 18 questions though, and you can get 5 wrong, so I should be alright. I can only hope. Oh and as soon as I get my permit, or maybe sooner, I'm going to apply for a part-time job at Target. And tomorrow my mom is calling to schedule an appointment with PA Cyber for school next year. Things are getting awfully exciting around here.
My friend Jesi just got a job at a nearby amusement park. Today is her first day, she's operating rides. Unfortunately, while she applied for part-time, they made her full-time, and she's kind of upset about it. She's the type of girl that has plans for every single day of the summer already made. So she told me she will probably quit as soon as she gets certified as a lifeguard (she's working around the water rides), cause if she went any where else to get certified they would charge her. She might quit sooner though.
I'm really sorry that my posts have not been at all thought-provoking since finals week. I guess when I'm in school I have more ideas, books, and music running through my head. In the summer I tend to just think lightly. Like right now I'm thinking about what I'm doing tomorrow, and how clean my room is, and what I want to eat. I suppose that's why it's called summer break... I get to be a little more shallow for 3 months, only serious when I have to be.
Oh, I do have something sort of serious from last night. Yesterday I was very very mad at the rain for ruining my plans, and I couldn't fall asleep, so I was talking to my single gay friend. I've known that he's gay for about a year now, but we've never really talked about it openly. Last night we did. He's kind of bummed because, well, we go to a Christian school, and there's no one else that can really relate to him. And all of his gay friends are in college, so he just feels a little lonely I guess. I told him to eat some chocolate, but he said he wasn't in the mood. But we talked for a little while and he said it made him feel better. He even texted me this morning to say thanks for chatting with him. So the lesson I learned, is that the small things really do count. I guess I knew that, but it just... reaffirmed it for me.
Most of my friends are out of state right now. Andrew's in Illinois, Sandra's on her way back from Maine, Courtney's in Virginia taking college courses (even though she's only 16... smart one!), Rachel is at the beach. Oh and Austin will be leaving at the beginning of July to go to an art camp for a whole month. Jesi is going to an art camp too, but it's only for a week. I have artsy friends... I like that.
This is one of Austin's pictures... he's a photographer. I LOVE THIS ONE. 
So it is a dreary, gloomy, rainy afternoon. I had plans for today. I was going to a free Shakespeare thing at a park in the city. They're doing Cymbelline, for free! But alas, parks are outside, and outside it will be thunderstorming. Oh, did you know that lightning does NOT only strike in the same place once? I learned that the other day. Anyway, so after my Shakespeare plans were cancelled, I made plans to go to the movies with my friend Faith. But I can't leave the house because my dad has to get fitted for a tuxedo and he's picking up our van tonight, which is now fixed. Oh and my friend can't go either. But it's not so bad, it's a nice relaxing evening at home.
I think I will have my permit Saturday, so long as I don't fail the test. It's only 18 questions though, and you can get 5 wrong, so I should be alright. I can only hope. Oh and as soon as I get my permit, or maybe sooner, I'm going to apply for a part-time job at Target. And tomorrow my mom is calling to schedule an appointment with PA Cyber for school next year. Things are getting awfully exciting around here.
My friend Jesi just got a job at a nearby amusement park. Today is her first day, she's operating rides. Unfortunately, while she applied for part-time, they made her full-time, and she's kind of upset about it. She's the type of girl that has plans for every single day of the summer already made. So she told me she will probably quit as soon as she gets certified as a lifeguard (she's working around the water rides), cause if she went any where else to get certified they would charge her. She might quit sooner though.
I'm really sorry that my posts have not been at all thought-provoking since finals week. I guess when I'm in school I have more ideas, books, and music running through my head. In the summer I tend to just think lightly. Like right now I'm thinking about what I'm doing tomorrow, and how clean my room is, and what I want to eat. I suppose that's why it's called summer break... I get to be a little more shallow for 3 months, only serious when I have to be.
Oh, I do have something sort of serious from last night. Yesterday I was very very mad at the rain for ruining my plans, and I couldn't fall asleep, so I was talking to my single gay friend. I've known that he's gay for about a year now, but we've never really talked about it openly. Last night we did. He's kind of bummed because, well, we go to a Christian school, and there's no one else that can really relate to him. And all of his gay friends are in college, so he just feels a little lonely I guess. I told him to eat some chocolate, but he said he wasn't in the mood. But we talked for a little while and he said it made him feel better. He even texted me this morning to say thanks for chatting with him. So the lesson I learned, is that the small things really do count. I guess I knew that, but it just... reaffirmed it for me.
Most of my friends are out of state right now. Andrew's in Illinois, Sandra's on her way back from Maine, Courtney's in Virginia taking college courses (even though she's only 16... smart one!), Rachel is at the beach. Oh and Austin will be leaving at the beginning of July to go to an art camp for a whole month. Jesi is going to an art camp too, but it's only for a week. I have artsy friends... I like that.
This is one of Austin's pictures... he's a photographer. I LOVE THIS ONE.
5.30.2009
mayday
My recent posts have been all about personal things... what ever happened to me writing about books and music and insights, etc? Hmm.
Well today I will try my hardest to go back to my old way of blogging.
Alright, so this is Passion Pit. A very very very unique band. One of their songs was the free single of the week on iTunes a while back. My best friend loves them to death, and she's been trying to get me to listen to them for ages. At first they didn't suit my taste - the vocals were just too crazy. But now I've gotten used to them and I love them too! They're like techno/dance, and all the vocals are guys singing insane falsetto. Listen for yourself:
WOAH! It just occurred to me that I have never posted about Gilmore Girls! Hmm... shall I include it in this post or save it for another time? I think I'll save it. There's too much to say.
Last night I was thinking how thankful I am for my friends. I am so incredibly blessed. I mean at school the people are lousy sometimes, there's a lot of behind-the-scenes drama and the like. Although even there I have good friends that I trust and have fun with. But my very closest friends are at youth group. There's something about my youth group that is so amazingly different from every other youth group or social circle that I have ever experienced. Anyone who comes in is met with friendship, immediately. It doesn't matter who you are, what you like, what you do, who you hang out with, what you look like, what you think. There is a place for you unconditionally. Of course sometimes we fail to give every member of our youth group the love and attention that they need and deserve, but overall I think we all feel accepted, like we can be ourselves to an extent. And isn't that what everyone needs?
For the longest time I've been trying to figure out why I am perpetually tired. I have a feeling it is a combination of a lot of things. I don't eat right, I eat smaller portions throughout the day rather than eating meals, I listen to music from my computer and iPod all the time, I watch tv before I go to bed, my room is really stuffy, I am a really restless sleeper, I talk/sing/walk/stretch/flip over in my sleep, I get way too comfy before I fall asleep, I can't ever stay in the same position for more than a couple seconds. Yeah, many things. Can anyone tell me if any of these things is the biggest problem? I really don't know. And some of these things, there's not really anything I can do about them. It's frustrating.
I wish I could read for more than 30 seconds without losing focus.
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